Who do we choose our favorite and why

Who do we choose our favorite and why?

[reclam]

Of all the people who meet us in life, someone leaves us indifferent, and we fall in love with someone without memory. We calmly pass by some and cannot look away from the others. Who we choose our favorite and why - we will talk about this today.

The same image

Sometimes it is difficult to say why this person is interesting, why we are drawn to him. Indeed, in our choice a lot of unaccountable, unconscious. In each of us, somewhere deep inside, there are images of people who took part in our growing up. These are images of parents and other relatives who left a mark on our destiny. They are often mixedreality and children's fantasies, but it is these images that we associate with love - the way we understood it and what we received (or did not receive) in childhood. And if a person met imperceptibly "gets" into this image, evoking dormant memories of the first significant relationship, we can not pass by and remain indifferent. We are intrigued, agitated and very soon in love.

Wounds of childhood

In psychology, there is an opinion that our chosen partner is an “improved parent”. That is, in some ways he is very similar to our parents (and therefore we know how to interact with him), but in something quite close and different, he is even better than them.

If in childhood, in relations with mom and dad, we lacked something, we will strive to fill this deficit (still unconsciously) in alliance with our beloved. Therefore, as companions of life, we most often choose someone who, it seems to us, will help heal the wounds of childhood, fulfill psychological needs, expectations, hopes and dreams and find all that we were once deprived of - love, protection, recognition, admiration, and maybe even independence, self-worth and perfection.

This is very interesting: we feel in our chosen one our own, in many ways similar to our soul, and at the same time it complements, “completes” us, because it has qualities that are not very developed or developed at all in ourselves. And we, in turn, “complete” him: he is steadfast and resolute, but we lack firmness, he is reasonable, and we are more impulsive, he is restrained, and we have a lot of spontaneity, he is tough, and we are flexible.

I don’t remember where I read the almost ingenious: “people join together like jigsaw puzzles - where one has a bulge, the other has a bulge”.

Special opinion. “Are different people complementary? According to this logic, if I lame on my right leg, and you on the left, then together we can walk fast and even run. On the contrary, the history of many marriages shows that harmonious relations in a pair are not promoted by the difference, but by the similarity of the partners. Moreover, there are three main qualities for which partners would be good to match. The first is heat or cold in the sense of temperament. If a man is hot, then his ideal partner should be hot, and not vice versa. If he is cold, then it is better for her to be the Snow Queen. The second is the degree of openness. Two even very closed people understand each other much better than very closed and very open. And the third is how jealous the partners are. Jealous men perfectly find a common language. And their relationship can be arbitrarily stormy, but they turn out to be strong and long lasting more often than the relationship of a jealous and non-jealous person. The union of two non-jealous people also has more prospects than the "mixed" options.But I haven’t met any studies that objectively confirm that different people in a pair complement each other ”(Vadim Petrovsky, psychologist, transactional analyst).

This is similar to a theatrical play: we choose those who can play in our play, with whom we feel a resonance, who know the text of our role, which complements ours. But, as in the theater, this life play is not always a lyrical comedy with a happy ending. Sometimes it is a melodrama, and sometimes a tragedy. It all depends on the scenario, which we also write together with our partner.

Opening each other

The relationship of two people is a living organism that develops and sometimes gets sick. May recover, and may die prematurely. At the dawn of a relationship, being in a frenzy of feelings, we see no flaws in a partner. For us it is beautiful. In fact, we fall in love with someone we don’t know at all. When the veil falls down, we have a living person in front of us, not too similar to us, with its weaknesses and shortcomings.

And there are two ways: disperse in disappointment and go in search of a new ideal. Or learn to negotiate, respect differences, accept each other’s imperfections and recognize everyone’s right to be nonideal.It is very important not to alter his chosen one, not to lose sight of his strengths, on which we can rely throughout life and which once attracted us. There is nothing more valuable than seeing the good qualities of a partner that we ourselves lack. On this basis, you can build a union in which people support each other. And they are not collecting insults and pretensions for saving their life together, but ways to cope with difficulties, warm memories, moments of intimacy, joy and love.

The secret of a successful, successful union is communication, comfortable and safe interaction (without depreciation, manipulation and raids), mutual desire to negotiate, willingness to talk about the patient and conflict, not to hush up problems, ability to withstand negative feelings (own and others), ability to ask, accept and provide support, and also give up what does not suit you, and respect the right of the other to the same.

P.S.Tell us what you liked about your partner, whether you are “completing” each other, are there many differences between you and how do you cope with them.

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  • Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why

    Who do we choose our favorite and why