One of the main mysteries in the relationship between parents and adolescents: who is and what is the child doing when he is not with us? Sometimes we are very interesting. Sometimes we would prefer not to know anything about it. Child and adolescent psychologist Lawrence Cohen states: “In the life of a child, like in any other, there is both good and bad. Parents can not always help the child. But they can support, give strength. ”
Psychologists asked the children: “How can adults help you in your relationships with friends?” The answer was discouraging. "Nothing." But when they asked: “How did the adults ever help you?” - the answer turned out to be completely different. "I listened to."
Since scientists recommend listening, let’s listen. But how to push the children to a frank conversation about their lives and their friends?
Parents and teenagers: how to talk and how to listen to a child
Conversation with younger students Lawrence Cohen suggests starting with the most common questions: “What are your friends interested in? Do you fool around and play a lot? Is there someone you don’t want to play with? ”Asking a child about friends, not about himself,you let him talk about his situation and his school life without turning the conversation into an interrogation.
Adolescents 10-15 years old have a strong need for "a sense of elbow", belonging to any group. On the other hand, they often experience a feeling of rejection and loneliness: “Nobody wants to be friends with me - and no need, I am not bad either”.
Read also:Adolescence: What to do if you don’t like your child’s friends
A good way here can be a story about some funny and ridiculous stories from your adolescence. This will help the teenager to feel that he is not the only one with whom shameful and unpleasant things have happened.
Fighting loneliness will be much easier if a teenager has several social circles. If in one of them the child quarrels with friends, he will not be left all alone.
Therefore, encourage children to join sports clubs, hobby groups, or volunteer organizations. Let there be more places where a teenager regularly happens and communicates with peers.
Although friends in the life of a teenager take up more space than family, support and protect “family time”. Let you have hours and days when you just talk, communicate.
According to Lawrence Cohen, as is the case with junior schoolchildren, general questions are well suited for family conversations: “How are things at school? What do you think about…? What did you do today? ”After all, seventeen years old no less than seven years old need to know that they have a reliable, sensitive and understanding family behind their backs.