On you, as in war

On you, as in war

Lag, take a rest and listen to what I say
I suffered, but today I am leaving
I said: calm down and shut your mouth That's all.
Goodbye, …

Lag, take a rest and listen to what I say
I suffered, but today I am leaving
I said calm down and shut your mouth
That's all. Goodbye damn you
"Agatha Christie"

A friend of mine, aged under 50, began to go to a fitness club and was deeply sunk there on a woman from a nearby treadmill. He didn’t dare to come up, looked intently, then courted for a long time and when he finally asked her for a phone number, he heard: “Are you an idiot? I am your first wife. ” The story is real. And not about sclerosis, but about the fact that we fall in on the same thing. (And nothing can be done about it).

I usually not only talk about the problem, but also advise how to deal with it. Today everything will be not so clear and rosy.

Libido poetry

The fact is, the sexual attraction in us all our life is about the same appearance and the same set of qualities and traits ... Attraction is activated or silent when we first see a person and unconsciously evaluate him.As you know, a man makes a decision “wants - does not want” for 3-4 seconds, a woman a little longer - 7-8. But behind these seconds are the years and years of early experiences.

Libido rests on all the experiences of quite childish and already teenage impressions, pictures, emotions, sufferings. And they all hide deep in the unconscious, and on the surface remains, for example, the shape of the nails, earlobe, skin color of the breast, the shape of the hands ... And such obvious signs and specific parameters seem to be, but in fact everything is much deeper and more incomprehensible.



If a set of keys to the subconscious formed in a favorable environment, where everyone loved and respected each other, then your libido will never choose a "negative hero."You out of a thousand will recognize a person who can give all that you are used to in your family. But if the imprint was imposed by bad events, shocking details, unpleasant details and it was tightly connected with a painful attachment to parents, with a thirst for love and warmth - this is bad. Suffering is inevitable.

An experienced perfumer smells in libido the smell of a drunken father and the kitchen, the cries of the mother “it was not worth giving birth to you at all”, the taste of misunderstanding and alienation.Behind the smell of hair and the color of the lips can hide the fear of children's loneliness and the eternal expectation of a holiday ...

In a word, you can write a poem about the libido - so complex and delicate settings bring it into action. Actually, all love lyrics about him - when a poet sees the “flower of fragrant prairies” in every cashier — it’s not just that. It is the cashier with lipstick color vyviglaz corresponds to his ideas about the perfect sexual object. But this is not the worst. The choice of an object sometimes turns out to be vicious and destructive in the most direct sense of the word ... Situations are completely intolerable. When people suffer because of their choice and try to break out of the vicious circle, but the libido is unshakable.

Forewarned is forearmed

I always say that as a result of certain work on yourself you cease to be a victim, and relationships that do not bring you pleasure and all sorts of joy dry up and fall away like a sore. Having fallen in love with yourself and for the first time in your life having begun to respect your desires, you feel that you can perfectly well, moreover, you want! do without heavy, neurotic relationships and get rid of such easily. Without a doubt, throwing and stormy parting scenes.

But there is one snag about which I did not say last time: unfortunately, there are not enough FORCES CONSCIOUSNESS. And my duty is to warn you about it.

In thoughts you can change, become a different person, clearly see the insignificance of the previous partner and his attempts to “put you in place”; You may regretfully look at your past life, where you just did it, that you were resigned to the shortcomings of your “objects” ... but your libido doesn’t give a damn about it. It continues to react and make a stand only on wordy drug addicts, aggressive drunks, narcissistic goats, irresponsible infantils (stupid bitches, self-serving nymphomaniac, lazy fools, cruel careerists, alcoholics, especially unbearable from a hangover).


A girl comes to me, his left hand is covered with bruises, says: “The husband is aggressive, jealous, does not control himself. I am sick with him, wear out, get old before my eyes. Find out the relationship, grabbed the hand ... but I can not get away from him. " I ask: why? You have no money? You have nowhere to live? It turns out that no - she just no longer likes anyone, “as a man, I perceive only him.”

Or a man says that his wife told him this: “I don’t love you, I never loved you, you are disgusting to me. At some point I needed you, I used you. ” And left him.And you know what he asks me about at the reception: “Do you think I can call her?”

After all, even if we talk about true love, then we will be frank: love is warm feelings for someone who has already chosen our libido. And is it really left only two options: to live with the torturer, but to experience real strong feelings, or to get rid of someone who makes you suffer and at the same time erase deep feelings from your life, left alone with fresh reality?

Healthy connections

What can a psychologist do in such cases? In theory, he should help the victim to stop wanting his tormentor. And this therapy is almost as complex as a sex change operation, only without surgery. It is necessary to rewrite the entire children's history, the whole background of a person. And this problem is very interesting to me from the professional-applied and human points of view. My task is that after the patient's therapy, it becomes straight to good good people. So that he first noticed that they are.

In general, I am against parting through force. The partings in the genre “I will never forget you, I will never see you ...” Throwing, suffering, and off you go - drama, tears, “I love you, I can't live without you, but since you do this to me ... "

You can not live - so do not leave! Neurotic relationships are exactly that - when apart it is impossible, and together it is even worse. The trick is not to get a divorce or part, but to stop you being sexually attracted by those who torment you, no matter what it does - beatings or inattention.

But as I have often said, many, having gotten rid of some partner executioners, immediately find exactly the same or similar ones. A person can understand everything, but his libido is not. After all, it is speculatively everyone dreams about the same thing: women - about a strong, kind and understanding, self-confident prince; men - about the fragile, homely, with big breasts, sexual mistress. But in real life they build relationships, sleep and create families with completely different people. And again - the brain wants one thing, and the libido wants something completely different.

For myself, I can say that I was attracted to women who did not pay attention to me. Less is better". And vice versa: the women who showed increased interest to me immediately ceased to please me. Probably, this is because as a child I didn’t often hear from my mother that she loved me.

But I never gave up, and I can say that everything is not so fatal.For three years I have been living, adhering to the “very” six rules, and my own reactions and tastes have completely changed. First of all, the attitude towards women has changed. And the libido of my patients is slow, but changes the vector. The neurotic reflex arc is destroyed, new healthy neural connections are created, self-esteem rises. As a result, not only conscious, but also subconscious reactions become different. Watching this is amazing, interesting and enjoyable. Although the task, I repeat, is difficult, and if I manage to finally solve it, I probably will get the Nobel Prize.

A healthy person chooses the one he deserves in the best sense of the word. If this is not the case - and you do not give up, I think we will solve this problem.

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  • On you, as in war

    On you, as in war

    On you, as in war

    On you, as in war

    On you, as in war

    On you, as in war

    On you, as in war

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    On you, as in war

    On you, as in war

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