Natural leader

Natural leader

Belyaeva Tatyana Y.

All children are different and each individual is unique.

The experience gained in the classroom with groups of children from 1 to 3 years allows me to make some generalizations, to type children according to their perception of the surrounding reality.

There are children EQUAL, with an even attitude towards life, who with the same interest perceive what the teacher offers them, and what their mother tells them, they are engaged in the group and individually with the same interest.

There are GREET children who, when they come to the group, pay first of all attention to their peers, get in touch with them, hug and share. The presence of their peers inspires them.

There are children of CAUTION who, with some distrust, regard what the teacher says to them, but with great interest do something individually, receiving a separate task.

There are ALARM children who are worried about being among a large number of adults and peers, they are looking for continuous contact with their mother, they trust most of all to their mother, they cannot stay in a team for a long time.

And there are children DEMANDING, which will be discussed now.

Usually such a child “breaks” the whole course of the lesson - he speaks loudly, restlessly, often does not respond to requests, deliberately does not join in group games, demanding another game or stop the game altogether.

Parents and teachers are confused - why does he behave this way? It takes some time, and after several classes the teachers understand that the child needs an individual approach, and they notice that when they find something they like, the child becomes flexible and accommodating (although half of the lesson is naughty), and the parents calm down, but still a little embarrassed: at home you can negotiate with this child, and during a lesson in the group he makes a fuss. Or another option - at home the child is capricious, it is difficult to agree with him, the parents hope that he will be “corrected by the team”, but they understand that it is also quite difficult to cope with the team, they feel ashamed for themselves and for the child.

The first idea that comes to mind to parents about this is that this child is best suited for individual lessons. And really - in one-on-one lessons with an experienced teacher, the child behaves quite calmly, with pleasure completes the tasks.

Parents calm down, rejoice at the changes in the child and bring him back to the group. But everything repeats again - getting used to private lessons, the child, once in the group, again feels discomfort and even creates it himself.

Parents are at a loss: what are we doing wrong? Maybe our child is special and nobody needs him? Or maybe we are raising him wrong?

Only without panic, dear parents, in front of you is a typical child-leader. This is a normal phenomenon that can develop with a plus sign and a minus sign, like everything else in this world, you just need to be ready for it.

Sometimes parents who are soft and non-conflict by nature are simply stunned by the “antics” of their child and are literally lost, they do not know how to influence it. Begin trips to doctors, psychologists and the like.

In fact, it is not a disease, it is simply natural leadership. And the most interesting is that this phenomenon is very controversial.

On the one hand, the child has a stormy temperament and a strong nervous system. This greatly influences the formation of early self-sufficiency - he just feels the strength and courage to perform extraordinary acts.
On the other hand, such children have an increased need for attention of adults, their attachment to parents is very deep. Despite the fact that they love to rule, it is difficult for them to be alone with themselves. When they are with you, they are very tender and loving children, they kiss you and hug you, and they are just sure that all your attention should belong to them. They always have something to tell you. They start to fantasize early, not only to retell heard stories and fairy tales, but also to invent their own. They are very intelligent and clever, adults talk to them much more interesting than the games of their peers. They are very impressionable, listen to fairy tales with interest, try on the images of their beloved heroes, and immediately “play” them. They perceive the story from themselves better than reading the text - they lack the perseverance to keep track of the written text, they are literally annoyed by the fact that mom looks at the book and not their eyes.

They are very selective in choosing their favorite activity - if they like to draw, it is very difficult to interest them with something else, they are impatient, it is difficult for them to listen to the end of their thoughts, they will rather kill you and tell you what they think about it.

Not necessarily such a child is deprived of the attention of parents and requires what he sorely lacks. It may be quite the opposite - it seems to you that you pay so much attention to him that it is no longer possible. When you are with him, you are alone with him, when with him dad or grandmother, the same thing happens. He requires your constant presence, and only the television helps to distract him from you, but even here the child demands that you watch cartoons only with him and never go anywhere.

With a superficial assessment of such a child, the patterns “spoiled”, “capricious”, “masterful”, and even “tyrant” often come to mind. Do not rush to the estimates. Try to get rid of assessments - they are often selfish and do not broaden our horizons, but on the contrary, they constrain our understanding, forcing us to act again according to a pattern - once capricious, it means you need to scold, punish, deprive of pleasure, “educate”, “accustom to order” ".

Do not hurry. It's just that these children have a lot of need for something. They are literally “the most necessary.” Try to figure out what the child feels the true need. If he constantly demands new information - all the time he is calling you "come with me, see something interesting," asks to play with him, tell a new tale,can't calmly eat, if you don’t read it, don’t show pictures, if cartoons don’t go, it means that his brain is really developing very rapidly. Maybe you simply cannot keep up with him, and, indeed, you cannot meet the child’s need for knowledge and communication in such a volume as he needs. Not because they are not capable, but because he has very big needs. When you try to answer all the questions of such an inquisitive child and support all his initiatives, play all his games, you understand that you do not have time to do any of your work.

You bring your child to classes, to the group, but you notice that his interest in what is happening is quickly dying out, the number of children and toys do not satisfy his curiosity, he still comes back to you and asks you to pay separate attention to him, to play with him in his game.

At the site, such a child will first try each shell, can spread in two words with some other child, but in fact most of all he is interested in the big sword of that boy, he can politely ask for this sword, and play with this sword all the time imagining himself a knight.

What to do? You are worried about questions - why is he not interested in children? Why is he so restless, but at the same time so attached to you?

Understand your child. He is the initiator, he is inquisitive and active. He is interested in the properties of objects, phenomena, he loves to manage them, he cannot sit still, explores everything around and communicates with great interest to those who explain the essence of these phenomena to him, that is, with adults. If your time is not enough to fully satisfy his curiosity (12 hours in a row to answer questions), teach him to independently obtain information.
Help me find a job for him to do on his own. If he cannot eat without flipping through a colorful book, try to arouse his interest in reading. Read a book to him, and then say: "And now I will read my book, and you will read mine." Put in front of him a mountain of children's books and try to convince with your example that you can read yourself. Gradually let him understand that you can explore the world yourself.

Such children may not like to listen to music, but with pleasure to bang on the drum or the piano keys, they do not like the result - the melody, but the process of extracting sounds.Let them have a guitar, a piano, a saxophone in stock - they express themselves perfectly when playing instruments.
They quickly master the computer, skillfully move the mouse around the screen and open the necessary programs. Such children love to repair, glue, cut with scissors, hammer nails - everything that involves initiative and activity. Give them the opportunity to act and act independently.

If the child does not show interest in peers - do not rush too, and do not worry. Do not go in large groups, go on a visit, to the usual playgrounds, let the child choose his friend for himself. Usually such children choose older children as friends, but not always, they are simply very selective in principle and can look at a person for a long time.

Despite the fact that the demanding child is a big individualist, he loves to do everything himself and determine the rules of the game, do not get carried away by indifferently indulging him in everything, convincing himself that your child is a genius, chosen, unlike everyone else, etc. .

The leader, of course, is always original, bold, resourceful, often ahead of peers in development. But a true leader does not oppose himself to others, he is decisive, but generous, generous,does not offend the weak, calmly comes into contact with any person, can be both the team captain and its member. And this is a matter of education.

That is, it is very important that such qualities as good nature, generosity, the ability to listen to others, the ability to act in a team, along with the ability to lead, develop in a child leader.

What can help in this regard?

Development of attention
Exercise "Stop"
When you play outdoor games (hide-and-seek, catch-up), enter the rule for clapping to stop and freeze in some pose. When frozen, try not to talk, listen to silence for a few moments. Then clap for a quick start again, then repeat the abrupt stop a couple of times. This exercise helps the child focus on the current moment, literally "come to life."

Talking to each other, go to a whisper at a command, speak quietly, then just move your lips, then at a command, start speaking in a normal voice, or gradually increase the volume of the voice. This exercise also helps to return to the current moment. Children leaders are so keen on their ideas that they often fly away into their reality, and may simply not realize that they are shouting or sweeping away everything around them.

The development of a sense of team
To develop a sense of team or a sense of partnership will help the distribution of responsibilities when performing a common cause (for example, washing dishes, setting the table), playing musical instruments (a child on a pipe, a mother on a guitar), joint drawing (on one large sheet , say, draws lines, and mother - points). Then you can swap responsibilities. Find tasks that provide for the alternate fulfillment of duties (I am building a building of the house, and you - the roof, I put blue cubes, and you are red). Thus, patience develops, an understanding of the fact that in dealing with others one must be able to wait and give up. Do not forget to explain to the child that you have your own needs, that sometimes you have to wait, that you first need to complete one thing, and then start another.

The development of good nature
If it’s customary in your family to say hello, say goodbye to all family members, share food, treat each other, feed your pets, feel sorry if someone has something hurt, just care for each other, and adults do it sincerely and with love it means that the child will be all right with good nature.

And the last.

Children-leaders have a strong will.They have increased resilience and perseverance in the implementation of their plans. And this is manifested not only in the desire to bring things to the end or to accomplish what no one else has done to them, but also in such everyday trifles that adults most of all take from themselves - “I don't want to eat,” “I don't want to go to bed” , "I do not want to dress," "I want to knock on the battery," "I want to throw toys out of the window." To such children we often say: "Do you hear me or not?" "How many times can you repeat?"

Yes, indeed, the strength of desire among them is such that they simply do not hear us, including their “selective” rumor. Especially, if all that we do is miserable admonitions, requests, prayers, or a hysterical cry. It does not affect such children. Child leaders respond primarily to the manifestations of the will of the interlocutor. They literally feel the power of your energy field, and if you do not control it, you lose.

I am not talking now about force or manipulative methods - physical influence, punishment, intimidation, etc. These are not methods for me.
No, just your impact on child leaders must be strong-willed.Children leaders, in order to perceive you as equal partners, should feel your inner strength - that you are not afraid of them, do not give in to them, really want the child to hear and understand you. You need to talk with such children very impressively, I do not speak loudly, it can be very quiet, but impressively. If your child is a leader and you decide to be on a par with him, train self-confidence and develop inner strength. One day, you will not notice how with such skills at work you suddenly very delicately put, say, an arrogant boss into place.

And, of course, humor. Children leaders understand humor very well. They laugh loudly with pleasure, they love to joke themselves, and with pleasure play up adults. Often, when convincing such children, it is not the instructions (which, by the way, they laugh in your face), but ironic remarks that help. That is, instead of speaking with a mentor tone at the next moaning: “Aw, what a rude boy, do smart boys talk like that?”, Try something like: “Who is this bleating here, like a sheep - me? Or is it our cow that started up - mu-mu-mu? " If you get really funny, the child will quickly switch and will laugh with you with pleasure.

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