Generation Conflict: How to Avoid

Conflict of generations: how to avoid?

Psychologist Daria Selivanova will tell you how to improve relations between all family members.

Modern society is developing at a crazy pace. Earlier they invented television, and it was the main purchase of every family for almost half a century. Now, with a tablet, you won't be surprised anyone, although about 5 years ago nobody even suspected him. Or a videophone? His our mothers and fathers could only present in science fiction films. And now even our grandmothers use Skype. And this rate of change can not affect the relationship between people. After all, those values ​​that were important for the older generation now just sometimes go into oblivion. And it is very important to be able to adapt to such changes.

In my opinion, the greatest difficulty can cause misunderstandings between moms and dads and their parents. Still, modern mothers for the most part grew up in the post-Soviet space. Or in the Soviet Union only their childhood passed. While our grandmothers and grandfathers spent most of their lives on Soviet ideology. And this, in part, can significantly limit their ability to restructure.Still, the differences are more than significant.

The key to agreement and the absence of conflict between generations is the ability to hear and understand another

Undoubtedly, the key to harmony and the absence of conflict between generations is the ability to hear and understand another. Often, grandparents want parents or grandchildren what they think is right. And they are demanding something, offering, insisting at all not by the fact that they want to complicate our lives, but because they sincerely believe that this is so true. However, very often unresolved conflicts, children's resentment prevent to adequately respond to such proposals.

I have come across several situations in my work: mom, dad, grandmother and child come for a consultation. And it seems to be like a problem with a baby. But in fact it turns out that there is an unresolved conflict between the mother and grandmother, which is reflected in the child. And the child has absolutely nothing to do with it. And now almost all the consultations have to be devoted to enabling the grandmother and mother to hear each other.

Recently, I realized from my own experience how much we often continue to live according to the rules that we learned in childhood, without even thinking about rechecking them in real time.Sometimes it gets ridiculous :) For example, my mother always said that extended nails are bad. That they are harmful and spoil your nail. And I almost avoided this procedure in salons for almost 30 years, although I always really wanted to have long nails. And at some point I decided to do it. When my mother saw them, she said: “They are beautiful.” It turns out that my mother has changed her point of view a long time ago. And, besides, she had long ago begun to believe that I myself could make decisions regarding nails :) So, I clearly saw in my personal example how long I lived with a show that was already long and hopelessly outdated. I just never thought about it and lived "by inertia."

How to act?

To resolve conflicts between generations, you need to start by writing to the list all the topics on the basis of which you often have tension or quarrels. And then in each paragraph, try to formulate what part of it you yourself invest in these conflicts. The purpose of this exercise is not to find someone to blame. If such a goal, then it is initially doomed to failure. His goal is to see his contribution. And if you see your part, then you have the opportunity to change it.

Conflict of generations: how to avoid? - image number 1For example, your grandmother constantly feeds your child with what you think your baby cannot.And each time on this basis, you have a quarrel with your parents. In this case, your contribution is that you cannot bring your demand “not to feed” to the desired result. Or afraid, or ashamed. Or too quickly “boil” and start to get angry. Most often such small situations are a manifestation of a more general and global problem. Namely: you still perceive your parent as a person who has the right to decide how you should be. This is the same childish perception, as with my nails. After all, with a stranger to you, most likely, it was easier to agree not to feed the child unnecessary. Why? There you internally feel your right to dictate the rules. And in the case of your baby - no. And this is exactly where to begin to resolve the conflict.

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  • Generation Conflict: How to Avoid

    Generation Conflict: How to Avoid

    Generation Conflict: How to Avoid

    Generation Conflict: How to Avoid

    Generation Conflict: How to Avoid

    Generation Conflict: How to Avoid

    Generation Conflict: How to Avoid

    Generation Conflict: How to Avoid

    Generation Conflict: How to Avoid

    Generation Conflict: How to Avoid

    Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid Generation Conflict: How to Avoid